i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
