I just saw a hot homeless man
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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