drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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