the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
