Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
