took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
