I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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