Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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