is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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