we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
