I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize