i used baking grease as lip gloss
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize