you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
