I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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