I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
