Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
