i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize