it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
