Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
