She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
