The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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