Rock
Scissors
Fuck
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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