my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
