he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
