More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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