at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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