you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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