The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
