worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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