Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
