I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
