Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
