I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
