dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
