..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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