My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
