My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
