he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
