i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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