i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
