A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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