i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
