I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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