I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Shame - the story of my life.
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