True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
