Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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