In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
