It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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