Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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