No awkward lesbian experiences without me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
