all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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