Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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