I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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