turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
