pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
