i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize