worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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