im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
