I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
