Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
