dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
