bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
