If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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