Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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