Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
