i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
