i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
