Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
