I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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