I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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