no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
