come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
