he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
