no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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