we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
