i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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