Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize