just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
