Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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